I wanted to take a few moments to introduce myself into the world of infertility. Many of you don't know me, other than what you will read here. I've found most of your blogs through other blogs and so on and so forth. I will keep things semi-anonymous on the off chance that my family, who has no idea of our struggles, will find this. This is my struggle to conceive, my rants and raves against what I consider an unfair world, and the humor we are trying to desperately trying to find in all of this. So bare with me will I explain our struggles to achieve the one thing missing from our lives...
We'll start off with the basics... 23 y/o mama, married to 26 y/o hubs, one adorable 2 y/o little man, 3 dogs, two cats, two fish, and an empty, malfunctioning uterus, all living in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.
Our journey started almost exactly 3 years ago on October 3rd, 2007... I peed on that stick, being 4 days late for my period and almost immediately got a BFP! I had a normal pregnancy, no problems, no scares, and delivered a beautiful baby boy in June of 2008 after 32 hours of labor. ((Medicated of course!)) I was so stinking naive at that point of what the next two years would bring into our lives.
In December of that year, with my bouncy 6 month old, I started to get baby fever. Hubs and I were at a good spot in our lives to welcome another baby into the family. We thought that we would wait a few more months and then start trying. In February of 2009, we started trying. For some reason, in the back of my mind, I had this nagging feeling that we would have problems when the time came to start trying... Boy, was I right. March brought a BFN, followed by April bringing me another BFN. I started getting discouraged. We got pregnant with little man the same month I went off BCP. May came upon as, as did another BFN. At the end of May, while in the midst of planning little mans 1st birthday, my 54 y/o father, my best friend, suffered a massive stroke that left him unable to even speak or move his left side. We would all struggle for the next 7 months to hear his beautiful voice and get him back to himself, which we never achieved. He passed away December 22nd 2009. I, of course, was crushed. Hubs and my daddy-o were more like father and son than my own brothers were with him. While trying to help my dad recover, we half halfheartedly tried to get pregnant. I was shocked when the beginning of November before my dad died, brought me a BFP!! Three days after getting a BFP, I started to cramp, followed by bleeding. I knew what was happening and I was crushed. The next month and a half were focused on how sick my dad was, and my mind was nowhere near trying to bring another life into this world. In January, after we held dad's services, I had a dream. I dreamt that I was sitting in the dining room, talking to my dad and crying about how we were having problems getting pregnant. He told me, 'it will happen when the time is right.' That was one of my dads favorite sayings. The dream was so real. I woke up the next morning feeling a little bit renewed. It's so cheesy, but I truly felt like he had come to me in my dream because he knew what was going on down here.
Towards the end of January, we decided that we wanted to start actively trying again. Only this time, I noticed that something was missing. I wasn't ovulating. I made an appointment with my doc in March, who prescribed me Clomid. I got my hopes up for that month, only to be let down once again. The Clomid did nothing but make me feel like shit. I didn't even ovulate. I decided that I didn't want to take it again, so I started taking Vitex, to no avail. Then in May of 2010, I finally ovulated on my own! The beginning of June brought me a BFP!! I felt great, but was cautiously optimistic. 4 days later, I started to bleed and once again, I knew. We lost another baby. I made another appointment with my doctor at the end of June. He diagnosed me with a Luteal Phase Defect after going through testing. He told me that he wanted us to wait to start trying, but I couldn't wait. Even having a 2nd miscarriage didn't throw my cycles off and they came like clock-work. But once again, I quit ovulating. We aren't really sure why, as nothing in my life has really changed. So here we sit in September, with the possibility that I may be pregnant, although very doubtful. I'll continue to shove these progesterone suppositories where the sun don't shine, and wait for that BFP. We are now going on almost two years of trying to bring a second life into our families. It's apparent that we have no problem getting pregnant. It's actually staying pregnant that is proving to be the challenge.
This is my attempt at finding the humor in all of this. I can be a bit rash, but I mean no harm. I hope you'll follow me in my journey to say hello to baby number two!
I look forward to 'meeting' some of you awesome ladies and hearing your stories and following your journey along the way!
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